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Lately, I find myself constantly thinking about what could have been, what could be, what I wish would change, what I wish would stay the same and on and on. I get so caught up in these thoughts that sometimes it’s so hard to focus on the right now. I tend to fixate so much on the time that I’m missing with my children that I can lose sight of living in the now and focusing on the time that I do have with them.
This weekend, I was single mom-ing while my husband and Macie were camping with my in-laws. After our trip to northern Idaho a couple weeks ago, I chose to sit this one out with the twins since the idea of another trip with them sounded exhausting. Let me tell you, I’m not sure if it would’ve been more exhausting to go camping or if it was more exhausting to be alone with them for two days! I was so busy with them that I truly had no choice but to live in the now! I know I can’t be the only mom out there who cries for more time with my kids but then cries from exhaustion when I get that time. It’s a fine line between wanting to be with them 24 hours a day and craving just a spare moment, maybe just to shower, or even go to the bathroom. 😂
The truth is, being a working mom of three kids is gut wrenching and exhausting. And in my limited experience, being a single mom or a stay at home mom, is also exhausting. So basically, motherhood in general is exhausting and all moms, working, married, single, or stay at home, should be commended. But at the end of the day, I would trade all of my time and energy to be with my kids more than just a couple hours a night and on weekends.
But having this one on one time, or I guess two on one time, with my babies was so good for my soul and just what I needed to remind me of how important every moment I have with them is. They are growing and changing so fast and I hate missing any of it, but constantly obsessing over the time I’m missing, is so damaging to my outlook and just causes me to lose focus on the time I do have with them.
It’s not often that I get to focus solely on this little duo, with a four year old also vying for my attention and the busyness of life in general. But this weekend, we took a break from chores and house projects, got outside, enjoyed a little bit of nature, took some cute photos and had a lot of fun. Seeing their personalities develop in such different ways is one of the most amazing aspects of having twins. Reagan is sweet, sassy and very timid when it comes to new people and new places. Lincoln on the other hand is ALL boy, so full of energy and ready for adventure.
This time with them reminded me of how important it is to live in the now. Maybe one day I will have the opportunity to be home with them more, but for now, I can make a conscious choice to accept things as they are and make the best of the time I have with my babies. While I can only hope that they won’t look back and remember the times mommy was gone, I know for certain that they will look back and remember the memories we made when I was there.